Coping Through Beauty

The easiest way to feel rejuvenated and fresh is to do something to the one part of your body that will always come back. That being, your hair. It’s the fastest way to cope with a situation. When everything feels like it’s falling apart, you can run to the store, grab a bottle of hair dye and completely change yourself within minutes.

My mother always told me that she knew when things went wrong between boy’s and I because I always asked to dye or cut my hair right after. It’s the concept of seeking change. The idea that altering your physical appearance will change the person underneath and in turn change your world around you.

It doesn’t just have to be fights with boys that make you crave change. I got into a fight with my best friend and hours later I was in the bathroom gloved up and holding a tube of pink hair dye. Accompanied by a pink streak, I set foot into the world with a fresh outlook. No longer letting the petty drama affect me. It’s funny how something so minor can spark such a fiery feeling in oneself.

Whenever someone questions me about my hair, makeup or possible tattoos/piercings I don’t feel it necessary to answer. Why should my physical appearance be any of your business?  My motives for creating how I look on the outside shouldn’t matter and it shouldn’t be a controversy. So next time your world feels like it’s falling apart, turn to something less harmful like dying your hair or chopping it all off because in the end, the chaos will pass and your hair will grow back.

Snip & Dye

It is said that a girl’s first reaction to issues with men is to change her hair. Now, I won’t argue with that because there have been plenty of times when I’ve gone through a bad breakup and desperately wanted change so I died my hair. I can’t tell you how many hair colors I’ve had. Blonde, light brown, dark brown, purple, blue pink…the list is ridiculous. I don’t see it as a bad thing, hair is one of those things that no matter how bad you screw it up, it always grows back.

Yes, dying your hair or doing something drastic to it can be scary. There was one point when I was in between brown and blonde, I was basically at a reddish color but I spazzed and started crying because I thought I looked crazy. My dad also called me a leprechaun because I had red hair and a green sweatshirt on. So yes, it is stressful to change something that is such a prominent feature.

I’m writing about this because my best friend is about to chop off her hip length hair to her shoulders and dye it either red or get blonde highlights. It should be interesting because it came out of the blue, but hell, I’m always a supporter of change and trying something new so props to her. I’m also going to be adding golden lowlights into my blonde hair to make it a little darker and similar to Candice Swanepoel’s hair. I love her so I’m attempting to copy her hair.

Lucky for me I live with my mom who is a hair stylist so I’ve never had to leave my house to get something done. Although it kind of sucks for her because if I don’t like it, I blame her and she feels bad. I don’t try to make her feel bad but she does anyways according to her. She’s nervous to do my best friends hair because she doesn’t want her to hate her and she’s nervous to do mine cause she’s worried I’ll think my hair is too “gingery” once the gold is in. I understand her concerns. It’s not that she can’t do the color, it’s more of a mental thing for me and the client. It’s what we think looks right or wrong and that can be very tough on the stylist. So to all you stylists out there, as a client, we aren’t trying to make you feel bad if we don’t like it, it’s just our mental picture of ourselves. Keep doing what your doing cause I mean lets be honest, the world would be pretty damn boring if everyone had their natural hair color.

Circumstantial Change

I used to think I had Nazi’s for parents…that they were as bad as it could possibly get. I was clearly very wrong and the main reason I began to notice that was because of two things. One, most of the strictness came from my father and second, I took a look at my friends parents/family lives.

Circumstance changes everything, if the time is right things will happen that may have never occurred in the first place. My parents separation was a huge adjustment for everyone. I chose to live with my mom full time, where as my little brother goes back and forth each week. I feel like that decision may have determined the fate of my dad and I’s relationship but in turn it strengthened my mother and I’s more than ever.

I soon realized that my mothers insescent pushing to get me to communicate with her more was the key to unlocking freedom. I took a big step and finally started to talk. I told her everything about boys, my friends and I even went as far as to discuss drinking and partying. I opened the flood gates and it was probably the best choice I’ve ever made. We talk about almost everything and it’s amazing. I may not take the advice that she gives me initially but her words will stick with me and they truly do help. When my father’s opinion stopped being a concern in regards to my curfew, what I can do in my free time and basically all aspects of my freedom levels, things suddenly became immensely better. My mom trusts me and that’s one of the greatest feelings. We have an open relationship and even though there are speed bumps along the way, and I still sometimes struggle to tell the truth all the time, our relationship is better than it has ever been before.

If I could give one word of advice to anyone, but especially kids/teens, it would be “communicate.” It’s hard, I’m not going to lie, but when the walls come down and there is open communication between kids and parents everything is smoother. The circumstances surrounding my parents divorce were horrendous, but from all that pain came something that will benefit me in the rest of my life.

Communicating with my parents was always hard, especially with my dad. He isn’t mature in the sense that he can’t have a conversation without jumping into screaming and yelling mode and while my parents were together I could see it rubbed off on my mom, even though she tried hard to not be that way. That was one of the main reasons I wouldn’t talk to them about the struggles I endured during my life. There was also the fact that I didn’t want them to judge me. Everyone tells me there’s no way your parents could judge you, but thats wrong. Clearly my father judges me for not wanting to live with him and his way of showing that is by cutting me out of his life, so it’s unfair to say there is no judgement in the arena of parenthood.

I was one of the lucky ones, when I opened up to my mom she reciprocated and supported me. Other’s don’t get that same benefit. One of my best friends could never talk to her parents about anything. Her mother is slowly becoming more open but her father is even worse than mine from the stories she’s told me. He’s called his own daughter certain things that should never be said under any circumstance and by doing so he’s shut down any chance of ever having a relationship with his child. I’ve witnessed first hand my friends strict parents and all the dumb rules that are put into play, like early curfews, car monitors and constant checking in on them. None of those things work, as the famous quote goes, “strict parents create sneaky kids.”

For all the parents out there dealing with similar situations or having issues with their kids, all I can urge you to do, as a teenager myself, is talk to your kids. Give them the ability to believe in you and to trust that they are safe talking to you about even the most uncomfortable topics. It will save you from a world of complications you probably never want to deal with…believe me, I didn’t talk to my parents about my life for a while and it dragged me way down hill and now that I’m able to communicate openly, I’m at such a great place in life.