Joost Do It

joost do it


I’ve recently made the decision to become a straight edge. In other words, be sober, but I feel that saying I’m sober now has a negative connotation relating to being an addict which I wasn’t in any way. I’m just making the choice to lead a healthier life style. It includes eating clean, working out at least once a day, not putting toxins into my body (alcohol and drugs), getting plenty of sleep, focussing on work and school and overall maintaining a positive attitude.

Negativity just simply isn’t part of how I live now. I’ve recently been given some awesome opportunities and have decided to maintain my positive attitude on a daily basis. This new me has also really helped with my anxiety. I haven’t had any anxiety attacks for a while now and I’ve felt very at ease, which is something I need. Maintaining calmness is key with me. I just started yoga too which absolutely amazing. It’s crazy how sore it made me though.

The decision to be sober was sparked from meeting someone who has kept their straight edge lifestyle throughout their whole life. They are the same age as me and it really seems like he has his shit together which is something I admire. Talking to him made me want to do the same so I made the decision and I’m sticking with it. I didn’t drink at all last weekend and it felt really good. I feel clean and I have tons of energy all the time now because I don’t have any toxins in me.

I think this new life style is what’s best for me. I’m able to get everything on my To Do lists done and be happy while doing it. It’s probably the best decision I’ve made in a long time.

I Cantaloupe



Marriage is a beautiful thing, its the uniting of two individuals to create one. I don’t think marriage should be rushed or done through betrayal. Which is precisely why I will not be attending my step-father’s wedding in Mexico this summer.

My biological pops isn’t in the picture, he dipped out when I was born and I’ve only met him once, ironically, I never want to meet him again. So when I was three my mom introduced me to the guy she’d been dating, Todd. They continued dating for the next 12 years and I consider him my father, but due to recent circumstances the common term I used for him, “dad”, is now consciously being changed to “step-dad.” Simply due to the fact that I think he is an asshole. (Sorry to be so blunt)

You see, he and my mom never got married…aka he never proposed and then after a solid 12 years of togetherness he goes and cheats on her. I have a little brother so because of us my parents worked things out and stayed together, but history repeats itself and he cheated again…and again. Finally my parents split up.

Then came the hard part, my younger brother was destroyed by it and that was the hardest thing for me to witness, and the fact that my mother was so hurt by it all. My step-dad acted as if none of it mattered and it wasn’t his fault, that’s why I think he is an ass. Custody became and issue and because I’m old enough legally to make those decisions, I live with my mom full time where sadly, my little brother has to go back and forth each week.

Once again my step-dad broke trust when he introduced his new girlfriend to my brother and I before the agreed 6 months of dating my parents had discussed. Another reason to think he’s a jerk. I choose to distance myself from him and his new family. His girlfriend…well now fiance, has a daughter who just so happens to be very close in age to the time my step-dad took me on, ironic huh?

The thing about my step-dad is, he wants but he won’t give. I don’t play that way. If you want something from me, you must give effort back and I will reciprocate especially when it comes to having a relationship. I won’t do a one sided relationship, either both parties put effort in or I’m out. I initially tried and didn’t get anything in return so I gave up. Having a relationship with him is no longer important to me, but now he’s putting in half assed effort and expects me to be all for it and attend his wedding with some woman he’s known for less than a year…no thank you.

What’s Your Fillosophee?


This weekend was probably the most amazing one I’ve had in a very long time. Friday was spent in Malibu and Santa Monica with my best friend, Saturday was work (blah), Sunday was spent doing a photo shoot for the amazing brand Fillosophee and then Monday after class this guy I met at the shoot, Alex, got me a train ticket to go down and spend his last day in Cali with him!

It’s kind of funny, I never thought a weekend like this would ever happen and it turned out even better than expected. You see, I met this boy. The one who bought me the train ticket to see him before he flew back to Ohio. We met at the shoot, he’s one of the companies sponsored BMX riders and I was modeling…we just hit it off instantly. Even the crew all thought we were dating. It was surreal meeting him just because who would have ever guessed I would have met someone so amazing at a photo shoot. Hell, our first kiss was me getting off the train and him kissing me right then and there. Talk about my movie moment fantasy coming true! He lives in Ohio which blows…but he wants to move to CA this summer so hopefully that works out!

Boys lately haven’t exactly been working out for me. After my last relationship I’m very on edge about getting involved with people and although I’ve gone on a few dates these last couple months…it just didn’t seem like there was enough chemistry with anyone. I think the reason I met Alex was because I just stopped looking… ironic because the moment I just gave up consciously trying to find a guy, I found one. So what’s your Fillosophee? Mine is : just take a step back, work hard, do what you love and good things will come…don’t force anything. Comment yours!

P.S. I know thats not actually how you spell the word Fillosophee but that’s how the brand spells it!