Family Dynamic

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Families are so fucking crazy. The bonds you have with your family members are some of the strongest but they’re also some of the most complicated. As a kid all the emotions that correlate with the family dynamic are amplified.

There are a ton of different types of families. Some are more conservative, some are pretty out there, some strict, some laid back, some crazy and some just plain weird…the thing is we can’t see what we really have, especially as kids and teens. When your a teenager, especially in high school, you look at everyone else and wish you had their life and their family. They seem “perfect.” That isn’t real. It look a long time to learn this, but EVERY family has their issues, some are just better at hiding them.

Here’s a shortened version of my family life. My mom got pregnant with me at 25, my biological father’s mother wanted me aborted and my biological dad wasn’t close to being ready to be a parent. My mom kept me, clearly ha. She met my step dad when I was three and when I was five I got a little brother. My family was pretty nice, not too strict but we definitely had rules…most of them coming from my dad because my mom’s very laid back. My step dad had apparently been cheating for years and finally my parents split up after being together for 14 years. Now they’re divorced and don’t talk. My brother goes back and forth between households each week and I live with my mom full time with basically zero contact with my step dad. There’s the gist.

The thing about my family is the current relationship between my mother and step dad really cause the most problems. My step dad basically broke every agreement they made regarding introducing my brother and I too new partners and rules for the kids. So there is so trust there. It causes my brother to be put in the middle because he is young and can’t/won’t stand up to my step father because he still loves him. I choose to have no contact with my step dad simply because I think he is an ass for what he did to my mother and the way he just let me go, abandoning me.

From the outside, you would have no idea. You’d just see a single mother working to support her kids, but there is so much under the surface that people on the outside can’t see. A little bit of knowledge that everyone should have is that everything is pretty on the surface…dig a little deeper and you’ll be surprised what you might find. Also, don’t talk/judge if you don’t know. So many people have their own struggles they’re dealing with and you antagonizing them about it if you don’t know the truth does nothing but hurt them.

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Put the Sex Back into Sex Ed

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Sex education is probably one of the most beneficial things that can be taught. You learn or are supposed to learn about your body, how it works, how to have safe sex, fertility, the risks that come along with sex, the emotional aspects of sex, and how to handle all of the above. Sadly that’s not the case.

It’s funny, after my parents split my mom became extremely open about sexuality. It was my step dad who wasn’t too fond of the idea. Back in middle school, I remember my parents wouldn’t sign a waiver for me to go watch a video on “sex-ed.” It was middle school so in reality it was a video about washing your hands, but I wasn’t allowed to see it. I felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t allowed to watch so I took matters into my own hands and started googling things about sex. So much for sheltering me mom and dad. The internet gave me an explosion of information…a little too much for someone whose 13. That could have all been avoiding if sex ed wasn’t taught until high school.

I took my first real sex ed class my freshman year of high school, it was called health and it was required. Luckily I got a cool teacher, who actually taught about sex. It wasn’t anything too vulgar or inappropriate but for someone my age I did learn something. The problem is, not everyone gets to have the same teacher I did. Most sex education programs teach you to be abstinent and that sex is something to be ashamed of.

Sex IS NOT something to be ashamed of. It’s how you were made for Pete’s sake. The curtain needs to come down that is shielding our teens from being taught what sex is. The summer before my junior year of high school, I took Psychology of ย Human Sexuality at my local city college. Now that was a sex class and you know what, it didn’t turn me into some promiscuous, sex craving individual. It changed me for the better, it taught me everything and more that I needed to know about sex and now that I actually do have a sex life I’m smart about it, I know how to handle different situation and most importantly I know how to say no.

Sex should be put back into the so called sex education programs. We should teach our teens to be empowered and proud of their bodies. Sex isn’t something dirty or bad, it’s natural and teens need to be taught that. For the longest time I thought it was something I needed to be ashamed of, that I was dirty for masterbating…that’s not the case and the reason I thought that was because no one was teaching me and I took sites like yahoo seriously. Something needs to change so society can embrace sexuality.

It’s Always Right

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The most important lesson I’ve learned in life so far, is to trust your gut. My mother told me for years to listen to your intuition because it’s always right. I fought her constantly, saying I knew what was best not some stupid gut feeling. Boy was I wrong.

The thing about gut feelings is they aren’t always the strongest. It’s usually your heart, mind or down south that put out the strongest feelings. They’re also the easiest to follow because those feelings are so passionate.

From personal experience I’ve learned that your heart is the hardest to ignore. When it’s telling you to do something it’s nearly impossible to do the opposite. It feels like your whole body is driving you to do something, no matter how stupid that something may be.

When it comes to the mind, that one is a bit more complicated. Your heart is usually the one telling you to do the crazy, passionate acts in life where as the mind is the logical one. It’s the one telling you to think things through. Look at all the different out comes and decide if the choice your about to make is really worth it. My mind has always been like this for me, my heart is telling me to just do it and not care but my mind thinks about the consequences. I usually end up following my heart which is probably really dumb in certain situations.

As for down south…we all know what lust feels like. It’s extremely powerful and can change how people act. It’s almost impossible to ignore because hormones rush through your whole body amplifying all your sense and making everything feel so much better. I said your heart is the most powerful but I would also argue that lust is. Sometimes lust can be a beautiful thing but it can also be extremely dangerous and when those hormones are blinding your judgement it can be a hard thing to say no too.

That is why I believe in the simplest form of all of this. Trust your gut. It takes a strong person to say no under different circumstances, especially as a teen with all the peer pressure your surrounded by daily.It’s scary, it really is. Trusting yourself is so important but it’s also so hard when people are constantly trying to get you to do and believe different things. I’ve been lucky enough to gain the ability to fully trust myself and my choices through leaving high school. Joining college early was the best thing I could have done for myself and it’s benefitted me in numerous ways. I now am able to say I truly trust myself and the decisions I make…no matter what part they come from.

Relish the Release

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Last night was more than just your average Monday evening. Laying in bed, texting friends and Tumblring away (per usual) I decided I was tired of the monotonous bullshit that surrounds a particular friendship I have…or had.

My best friend and I have known each other since 8th grade; we are both currently juniors in high school. She’s in traditional high school where as I am in Middle College so I go to school at SBCC. During the first two years of our friendship we had a boatload of drama surrounding other friendships and boys. This lead to us not being friends for a year or so. Finally when we were both accepted into the MAD Academy at our high school we became friends again due to the mutual feeling of hatred about everyone else in the academy. Our friendship few and now we’re best friends…well were. I’m not sure where we stand at this point.

I don’t know about her but I got tired of the stupid, repetitive cycles that play out between our friend group almost daily, in particular between her and her boyfriend. Every since they started dating it just feels like I no longer have a sincere friendship with her boyfriend, who was one of my best friends prior to them dating.

A large factor of why this friendship began going down hill in my opinion is maturity and circumstance. Once I left high school, we were no longer required to see each other everyday which definitely takes a toll on ones friendship. There is also a distinct difference between the maturity level of college kids and high schoolers. Even though technically I’m the same age as those in high school, due to constantly being surrounded by college people at work and school, I’ve grown up immensely. It’s not that I feel like I’m better then my high school friends, I just feel like we are on two different levels and in two different places in our lives. None of my friends have jobs or the same amount of freedom I do so all these circumstances take part in how our friendships progress…or don’t.

Last night when the fight between my best friend and I broke out, I started to question if I should just back down and let the friendship remain the way it was. That was the little angel on my shoulder speaking, but the devil spoke up and told me to stand my ground because there is no reason to stay in a situation that makes you upset. Clearly my little devil shoulder was correct. I stood my ground and said exactly what I thought and felt about the the situation. She wasn’t too happy about it. Particularly because she isn’t the talking type, when you say something she doesn’t like she won’t talk about it, she will just shut you out. I noticed her trying to talk about what was being thrown out there but it clearly wasn’t working because it ended with her saying, “So how about you fuck off.” I responded with, “Sounds fantastic.”

So basically that is where our friendship stands. At “fuck off.” I’ve given it a lot of thought this morning and last night. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve become so accustomed to pain or because I’m finally wearing my big girl pants, but I’m not sad about the situation. Yes, it does hurt that I just lost my best friend but at the same time I feel freed. I feel like I am able to start fresh after spring break and grow up. I’ll be able to make new friends who may in actuality be older, but are at my same level. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and this situation is no different. The meaning will come around at some point but for now, I am able to be calm and stress free knowing the petty BS in my life is done.