Downfalls of Dating

2 Laptops with male and female avatars and hearts floating between them

Dating now a days no longer involves the courting process. The days of standing outside the house of your crush with  boom box on your shoulder, singing have come and gone. I mean why put in the that sort of effort when you can get their number, shoot them a text and be hooking up in a matter of hours.

The thing about texting in relationships that people don’t understand (I admit, I am at fault here too) is that it’s basically one big mind fuck. When you receive a text, it doesn’t matter who it’s from, you read into it with whatever mood your in at the time. Quite possibly causing their message to come across the wrong way. That’s one of the biggest issues with texting overall, especially when your flirting with the newest love interest via text.

Texting has also made us as a generation extremely dependent in our relationships. The ability to text our boyfriend or girlfriend 24/7 has made it almost impossible to miss them. If you suddenly realize, hey I miss this person, you can shoot them a text or hop on FaceTime, we no longer need face to face interactions to feel full filled and honestly that’s pretty sad.

Another issue with dating in this day and age is the fact that people aren’t willing to be put themselves out there. Mind games aren’t fun, no one likes them so why play them with each other. Be upfront and honest, that way everything goes smoothly.

Plus what is dating really? I mean I get that it’s a time to get to know one another but I’m dating this guy right now and we’ve made it clear that it’s okay to see other people but why would I want too? Free meals are nice but if I’m putting time and effort into this person why would I want to do that with multiple people…it just seems like a hassle.

The world be such a better place in regards to dating if we all were upfront with each other, there was actual face to face encounters(no more of this BS texting/online relationships) and people figured out how to handle their emotional business. Talk about the issues, if your tired of the relationship then leave, if you want to make it work then do so and if you want to fall in love then give it a shot. Don’t wait for someone to come crawling to you. Get out there, make your move and create your own happiness.

Sexuality

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Sexuality is something that overall as a person, I’m extremely comfortable talking about. Nothing anyone could say would make me uncomfortable or feel different about them, I don’t care who your attracted too. I don’t think sexuality can be clearly defined. It’s a blurry line that can change over and over, nothing is set in stone.

For myself, I have identified as straight for my entire life…until now. I’m coming out as bisexual. I know that is a risky move to do on the internet, I mean the only people I’ve flat out told about it are my friends. None of them have any issues with it, in fact, they all thought that was the case already. Mostly due to the fact that when I drink, I tend to hit on my best friend and we make out a lot so it’s been made clear that being intimate with the same sex doesn’t bother me.

Bisexuality in particular is something, that I don’t really see the need to “come out” for. I mean everyone looks at the same sex and admires them in one way or another, so why define something like that? Maybe for some, the feelings are a little bit stronger, it’s more of a lustful feeling vs an admiration.

The question of whether or not I am actually bisexual or not as been something I’ve been asking myself for a while. I don’t really understand the concept of defining ones sexuality, I’ve just always thought whoever you feel attracted too, then go for it. I’m wondering if the reason I couldn’t say yes or no to being bisexual before was because I was scared or something, which doesn’t make sense because my friends are super open and so is my family. I think it was just coming I had to become comfortable with in my mind because it’s never been an issue with anyone else, so it was kind of strange having it be about myself; if that makes any sense.

It’s a cool feeling. I came out to all my friends today officially and I just feel invigorated. I feel stronger as a person being able to fully accept everything about myself and really be true to myself. It’s a really cool feeling.

Number 3

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The dreaded “my boyfriend or girlfriend is coming.” It’s one of those sayings that once you hear it, there is no coming back. I don’t know about you, but the trouble with 3rd wheeling is that you can be completely happy for the couple but you also want to cut their lips off. Ya ya ya, I get it, you guys kiss. Good for you but save the spit swapping for the bedroom because I don’t want to watch it.

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. My two best friends are dating (weird I know). So automatically I’m always hanging out with them but the difference is now, that they are official which means “acting coupley.” The thing is, they don’t think they’re coupley in the slightest and if you tell them they are, it’s an automatic passive aggressive response or denial. There’s nothing wrong with being coupley, but do it when you don’t have one other friend their because it makes that friend (me or whoever else) feel awkward as fuck.

I wouldn’t mind it so much if it wasn’t part of this creepy cycle. Let’s give my friends some fake names to protect their identities, the girl is going to be Kat and the boy will be Zach. Here’s an average day with these two. First we’re all hanging out like normal, then Kat makes a point to say that she’s Zach’s girlfriend and how she doesn’t like the sound of it. Then she starts acting like a bitch towards Zach, then Zach gets pissy and either pouts or tries to leave. This causes Kat to get clingy, which secretly all their other friends think is part of Zach’s plan because he wants her to be all over him. Zach ignores her clinginess for a bit, then gives in acting all lovey back. Finally, they kiss and makeup…either making things weird for those around them or they leave to go do “other things.” If they don’t kiss and makeup, it ends in Kat being really mad and then leaving.

It’s a repetitive, dysfunctional cycle that personally I don’t understand. It’s not something any of our friends are willing to come forward and tell them because they’re the type of people to dismiss you if you dare criticize them on a very personal level, plus they aren’t big on talking about issues either. It’s a tough situation to be in because it’s a constant struggle to maintain these friendships. There are boundaries and lines you can’t cross, yet sometimes it seems impossible not to cross them. In other words, the struggle is real.

Drunk in Distance

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Long distance man…it’s one of those things where all the normal dating rules are suddenly thrown into a blender and it’s up to you to add new ingredients to keep it tasty.

I’ve never been able to wrap my brain around the concept of long distance relationships. How are you able to stay so in love when you can’t even hug each other on a daily basis? I guess that’s true love if there is such a thing. Many believe that distance makes the heart grow fonder, maybe it’s true in love.

The first time I ever tried anything remotely close to long distance was my freshman year of high school. Lets be blunt, it was NOT long distance, my boyfriend just sucked. He graduated high school and was starting college at SBCC (keep in mind, it’s literally 10 minutes away from the local high school) and he dumped me because “we were never going to see each other now that he’s a college kid.” Of course I was heartbroken but hey, looking back on it now I realize he was a freshman in college and I was a sophomore in high school…big difference and it just made the most sense for us to breakup.

History repeats itself. Once again I began dating a senior. He graduated, we dated all summer blah blah blah, you know the deal and then August rolled around. He was getting ready to move out to the dorms at Cal Poly. I was totally supportive and firmly believed we could do “long distance” (it’s 2 hours away from where I live so it’s not really long distance either). About a month in I was so done. He was lying to me and things just weren’t working out. We hardly visited each other and it wasn’t the type of relationship I wanted to continue. I ended things and that’s when shit hit the fan, but I’ll save that for another post. It deserves it’s own.

So what makes long distance worth while? I guess that’s up to the individual to decide. If you really do love someone, I think it could work as long as there is extremely open communication and honesty between the two. It’s not something that’s right for everyone though. If your the type, like me, who needs affection in more physical ways like hugging and kissing, it could be quite difficult to maintain something long distance.

It’s funny though, sometimes someone comes around who can change your entire opinion on things such as long distance. I met Alex (the kid I’ve been writing about in my more recent posts) who lives in Ohio and I fell for him in about 2 days. Suddenly I’m all for a long distance relationship. Why? I ask myself that daily. I think it’s simply because something felt right. It’s a gamble but maybe that’s just how it feels to be drunk in love.

Define “Date”

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What does it mean to go on a “date”? Like who made up the rules to say that this is a date and that isn’t, it doesn’t seem that logical but the boundaries are there so what are they?

As stereotypical as this is, a big part of what makes it a date or not revolves around who pays. It’s socially accepted that if the boy pays then it’s a date. I disagree. Money is money, it’s not as if the boys money is better because it’s in the pocket of the person with the penis so why does who pays define the romantic level of the encounter. It’s stupid to think it can only be a date if the boy pays…what if your girlfriend wants to take you out! It’s still a date.

There’s also the “where are you going” aspect. I’ve met people who think going to the movies to make-out the whole time is a date…I’ve been on those kinds of dates, they aren’t fun…that is NOT a date. If I wanted to just tongue tango with you, we should have just gone to a park or someones house. There is really no need to pay $20 bucks if a kiss is all you want. I’ve always wondered if it makes the guy feel like less of an asshole if he pays for something for you prior to kissing you instead of just going for it. Just food for thought 😉

When it comes to a date, there shouldn’t be any rules or regulations. It should be about two people getting to know one another and seeing if there’s a spark. Chemistry isn’t built through the movies or dinners, it isn’t built at all. If there is chemistry it will be there naturally and both parties will feel it. There is no need to make a fuss about who asks for the check, if through that little outing you found something worth asking for date two, the goal has been met.

Closing Doors

 

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Relationships all have a start and an end…the key to surviving them is to know how to move on. I was in a relationship for 8 months and when I wasn’t happy anymore, I ended things. In the beginning I didn’t think moving on would be possible…#foreveralone. I soon realized that my happiness comes from myself, not having some boy in my life.

Getting over someone is very abstract. Everyone has their own ways to do it. I tried the whole rebound scene…wasn’t for me and then I tried the “just do you” tactic. That one worked magic. When I took a step back and focused on myself everything just started going my way. I focused on school, my health and my friends. Giving those aspects of life my all, but I still secretly wanted a companion…it wasn’t the thing driving me though.

I finally just decided after a few not so spectacular dates that I wasn’t going to look anymore. If I was destined to meet someone it would happen. To my surprise I met an amazing guy at the photo shoot I did in LA this past weekend and it’s made me feel a way I haven’t in an extremely long time..that’s how I know it’s real.

I moved on from my ex, but it was made clear that he hadn’t done the same today. He asked to have lunch so I agreed because I thought we were going to work it out and be friends. After we ate, he told me we couldn’t have any contact because it was too hard too see me happy or with someone else because he wasn’t. He explained that he still wasn’t over me and I didn’t know what to say because all my feelings towards him were gone. I agreed to his requests and it was the best choice I could have made. It feels like the door to that area of my past has been closed for good. Its quite refreshing in fact.

Now that my past has been settled, I am ready to move forward completely. I knew I was okay before and ready to live my life but knowing that I won’t have to deal with that experience ever again puts me at ease. Everything has been settled and it’s time for me to open a new chapter in my life.