Downfalls of Dating

2 Laptops with male and female avatars and hearts floating between them

Dating now a days no longer involves the courting process. The days of standing outside the house of your crush with  boom box on your shoulder, singing have come and gone. I mean why put in the that sort of effort when you can get their number, shoot them a text and be hooking up in a matter of hours.

The thing about texting in relationships that people don’t understand (I admit, I am at fault here too) is that it’s basically one big mind fuck. When you receive a text, it doesn’t matter who it’s from, you read into it with whatever mood your in at the time. Quite possibly causing their message to come across the wrong way. That’s one of the biggest issues with texting overall, especially when your flirting with the newest love interest via text.

Texting has also made us as a generation extremely dependent in our relationships. The ability to text our boyfriend or girlfriend 24/7 has made it almost impossible to miss them. If you suddenly realize, hey I miss this person, you can shoot them a text or hop on FaceTime, we no longer need face to face interactions to feel full filled and honestly that’s pretty sad.

Another issue with dating in this day and age is the fact that people aren’t willing to be put themselves out there. Mind games aren’t fun, no one likes them so why play them with each other. Be upfront and honest, that way everything goes smoothly.

Plus what is dating really? I mean I get that it’s a time to get to know one another but I’m dating this guy right now and we’ve made it clear that it’s okay to see other people but why would I want too? Free meals are nice but if I’m putting time and effort into this person why would I want to do that with multiple people…it just seems like a hassle.

The world be such a better place in regards to dating if we all were upfront with each other, there was actual face to face encounters(no more of this BS texting/online relationships) and people figured out how to handle their emotional business. Talk about the issues, if your tired of the relationship then leave, if you want to make it work then do so and if you want to fall in love then give it a shot. Don’t wait for someone to come crawling to you. Get out there, make your move and create your own happiness.

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I’m not 100% sure where the rules for dating come from. Who decides what’s okay and what’s not? There are social norms that your supposed to comply while making your own rules at the same time. Although, in most cases if you make rules that go against the norms your shunned and judged, when in reality your just defining the relationship based on your terms.

Are you considered a player if your “talking” to someone while sleeping with someone else? Are you a slut if you date more than one person? Is monogamy even possible in this generation?

These questions are ones that cross my mind all the time now. High school rules about love are completely different compared to the college ones. In college no one cares who you sleep with, who you date or what you do but it’s the total opposite in high school. I switched mid year, transferring from one world to another in a matter of days. My lines are blurry. I hang out with a lot of high schoolers too so when I’m following the college norms and being questioned by my high school friends, that’s when the confusion begins.

The first month of so was the hardest. I was very confused about how I should act, but when I realized that college has no rules and no one really judges you, that’s when I truly felt free. I left high school because I was tired of the petty drama and the judgement. Coming to college early was the best thing I’ve ever done. Now that I’ve just given into the college mentality of not giving a fuck about anyone’s opinions on me, my life is at ease.

There are no longer rules about relationships, love, lust or actions. It’s solely based on my opinion of what I think is okay or not. Although I still do ask for help when I need it, I’m learning everyday to make more and more decisions(the right ones) on my own. It’s tough, I still slip up all the time and sometimes wonder down the wrong path, but every mistake I’ve made has engraved a lesson in my mind. Learning from your actions is all you can do.

Number 3

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The dreaded “my boyfriend or girlfriend is coming.” It’s one of those sayings that once you hear it, there is no coming back. I don’t know about you, but the trouble with 3rd wheeling is that you can be completely happy for the couple but you also want to cut their lips off. Ya ya ya, I get it, you guys kiss. Good for you but save the spit swapping for the bedroom because I don’t want to watch it.

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. My two best friends are dating (weird I know). So automatically I’m always hanging out with them but the difference is now, that they are official which means “acting coupley.” The thing is, they don’t think they’re coupley in the slightest and if you tell them they are, it’s an automatic passive aggressive response or denial. There’s nothing wrong with being coupley, but do it when you don’t have one other friend their because it makes that friend (me or whoever else) feel awkward as fuck.

I wouldn’t mind it so much if it wasn’t part of this creepy cycle. Let’s give my friends some fake names to protect their identities, the girl is going to be Kat and the boy will be Zach. Here’s an average day with these two. First we’re all hanging out like normal, then Kat makes a point to say that she’s Zach’s girlfriend and how she doesn’t like the sound of it. Then she starts acting like a bitch towards Zach, then Zach gets pissy and either pouts or tries to leave. This causes Kat to get clingy, which secretly all their other friends think is part of Zach’s plan because he wants her to be all over him. Zach ignores her clinginess for a bit, then gives in acting all lovey back. Finally, they kiss and makeup…either making things weird for those around them or they leave to go do “other things.” If they don’t kiss and makeup, it ends in Kat being really mad and then leaving.

It’s a repetitive, dysfunctional cycle that personally I don’t understand. It’s not something any of our friends are willing to come forward and tell them because they’re the type of people to dismiss you if you dare criticize them on a very personal level, plus they aren’t big on talking about issues either. It’s a tough situation to be in because it’s a constant struggle to maintain these friendships. There are boundaries and lines you can’t cross, yet sometimes it seems impossible not to cross them. In other words, the struggle is real.

Closing Doors

 

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Relationships all have a start and an end…the key to surviving them is to know how to move on. I was in a relationship for 8 months and when I wasn’t happy anymore, I ended things. In the beginning I didn’t think moving on would be possible…#foreveralone. I soon realized that my happiness comes from myself, not having some boy in my life.

Getting over someone is very abstract. Everyone has their own ways to do it. I tried the whole rebound scene…wasn’t for me and then I tried the “just do you” tactic. That one worked magic. When I took a step back and focused on myself everything just started going my way. I focused on school, my health and my friends. Giving those aspects of life my all, but I still secretly wanted a companion…it wasn’t the thing driving me though.

I finally just decided after a few not so spectacular dates that I wasn’t going to look anymore. If I was destined to meet someone it would happen. To my surprise I met an amazing guy at the photo shoot I did in LA this past weekend and it’s made me feel a way I haven’t in an extremely long time..that’s how I know it’s real.

I moved on from my ex, but it was made clear that he hadn’t done the same today. He asked to have lunch so I agreed because I thought we were going to work it out and be friends. After we ate, he told me we couldn’t have any contact because it was too hard too see me happy or with someone else because he wasn’t. He explained that he still wasn’t over me and I didn’t know what to say because all my feelings towards him were gone. I agreed to his requests and it was the best choice I could have made. It feels like the door to that area of my past has been closed for good. Its quite refreshing in fact.

Now that my past has been settled, I am ready to move forward completely. I knew I was okay before and ready to live my life but knowing that I won’t have to deal with that experience ever again puts me at ease. Everything has been settled and it’s time for me to open a new chapter in my life.