Duly Noted

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We all deal with those passive aggressive folks who are a part of our daily life. I think it’s one of the things that makes human beings so strong; I mean dealing with those kinds of idiots all day makes for a thick skin. Being passive aggressive is probably one of the most irritating qualities a person can have. Seriously, if your going to be aggressive just be straight forward so the rest of us don’t have to deal with the underlying bullshit that is an automatic response to passive aggressive remarks.

I would say I’m lucky in a sense because I don’t have to deal with too many passive aggressive people. My dad is definitely like this but since I made the choice not to have him in my life that’s not an issue. On the other hand, my best friend is totally like this. I don’t know what she has to be mad at me about since I’ve never done anything to her but she always manages to throw out snide remarks about my past (family life, past boys, mistakes I’ve made etc.). It’s really fucking annoying because I don’t see why someone who wears the title of Best Friend would do that and it’s clear she doesn’t recognize it because I’ve confronted her about it and she “has no idea what I’m talking about.”

The issue is shedding light on the important issue of friendships and what makes them last. Ours has had a very rocky past but we got through it and are now very close I think, but now that she’s all wrapped up with her boyfriend, I just feel I’m in the need of another friend. One who can actually do things with me that doesn’t constantly need her boyfriend there by her side. Don’t get me wrong, I totally support couples and sticking with your partner, but using them as a crutch is different.

Number 3

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The dreaded “my boyfriend or girlfriend is coming.” It’s one of those sayings that once you hear it, there is no coming back. I don’t know about you, but the trouble with 3rd wheeling is that you can be completely happy for the couple but you also want to cut their lips off. Ya ya ya, I get it, you guys kiss. Good for you but save the spit swapping for the bedroom because I don’t want to watch it.

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. My two best friends are dating (weird I know). So automatically I’m always hanging out with them but the difference is now, that they are official which means “acting coupley.” The thing is, they don’t think they’re coupley in the slightest and if you tell them they are, it’s an automatic passive aggressive response or denial. There’s nothing wrong with being coupley, but do it when you don’t have one other friend their because it makes that friend (me or whoever else) feel awkward as fuck.

I wouldn’t mind it so much if it wasn’t part of this creepy cycle. Let’s give my friends some fake names to protect their identities, the girl is going to be Kat and the boy will be Zach. Here’s an average day with these two. First we’re all hanging out like normal, then Kat makes a point to say that she’s Zach’s girlfriend and how she doesn’t like the sound of it. Then she starts acting like a bitch towards Zach, then Zach gets pissy and either pouts or tries to leave. This causes Kat to get clingy, which secretly all their other friends think is part of Zach’s plan because he wants her to be all over him. Zach ignores her clinginess for a bit, then gives in acting all lovey back. Finally, they kiss and makeup…either making things weird for those around them or they leave to go do “other things.” If they don’t kiss and makeup, it ends in Kat being really mad and then leaving.

It’s a repetitive, dysfunctional cycle that personally I don’t understand. It’s not something any of our friends are willing to come forward and tell them because they’re the type of people to dismiss you if you dare criticize them on a very personal level, plus they aren’t big on talking about issues either. It’s a tough situation to be in because it’s a constant struggle to maintain these friendships. There are boundaries and lines you can’t cross, yet sometimes it seems impossible not to cross them. In other words, the struggle is real.

Drunk in Distance

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Long distance man…it’s one of those things where all the normal dating rules are suddenly thrown into a blender and it’s up to you to add new ingredients to keep it tasty.

I’ve never been able to wrap my brain around the concept of long distance relationships. How are you able to stay so in love when you can’t even hug each other on a daily basis? I guess that’s true love if there is such a thing. Many believe that distance makes the heart grow fonder, maybe it’s true in love.

The first time I ever tried anything remotely close to long distance was my freshman year of high school. Lets be blunt, it was NOT long distance, my boyfriend just sucked. He graduated high school and was starting college at SBCC (keep in mind, it’s literally 10 minutes away from the local high school) and he dumped me because “we were never going to see each other now that he’s a college kid.” Of course I was heartbroken but hey, looking back on it now I realize he was a freshman in college and I was a sophomore in high school…big difference and it just made the most sense for us to breakup.

History repeats itself. Once again I began dating a senior. He graduated, we dated all summer blah blah blah, you know the deal and then August rolled around. He was getting ready to move out to the dorms at Cal Poly. I was totally supportive and firmly believed we could do “long distance” (it’s 2 hours away from where I live so it’s not really long distance either). About a month in I was so done. He was lying to me and things just weren’t working out. We hardly visited each other and it wasn’t the type of relationship I wanted to continue. I ended things and that’s when shit hit the fan, but I’ll save that for another post. It deserves it’s own.

So what makes long distance worth while? I guess that’s up to the individual to decide. If you really do love someone, I think it could work as long as there is extremely open communication and honesty between the two. It’s not something that’s right for everyone though. If your the type, like me, who needs affection in more physical ways like hugging and kissing, it could be quite difficult to maintain something long distance.

It’s funny though, sometimes someone comes around who can change your entire opinion on things such as long distance. I met Alex (the kid I’ve been writing about in my more recent posts) who lives in Ohio and I fell for him in about 2 days. Suddenly I’m all for a long distance relationship. Why? I ask myself that daily. I think it’s simply because something felt right. It’s a gamble but maybe that’s just how it feels to be drunk in love.

Closing Doors

 

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Relationships all have a start and an end…the key to surviving them is to know how to move on. I was in a relationship for 8 months and when I wasn’t happy anymore, I ended things. In the beginning I didn’t think moving on would be possible…#foreveralone. I soon realized that my happiness comes from myself, not having some boy in my life.

Getting over someone is very abstract. Everyone has their own ways to do it. I tried the whole rebound scene…wasn’t for me and then I tried the “just do you” tactic. That one worked magic. When I took a step back and focused on myself everything just started going my way. I focused on school, my health and my friends. Giving those aspects of life my all, but I still secretly wanted a companion…it wasn’t the thing driving me though.

I finally just decided after a few not so spectacular dates that I wasn’t going to look anymore. If I was destined to meet someone it would happen. To my surprise I met an amazing guy at the photo shoot I did in LA this past weekend and it’s made me feel a way I haven’t in an extremely long time..that’s how I know it’s real.

I moved on from my ex, but it was made clear that he hadn’t done the same today. He asked to have lunch so I agreed because I thought we were going to work it out and be friends. After we ate, he told me we couldn’t have any contact because it was too hard too see me happy or with someone else because he wasn’t. He explained that he still wasn’t over me and I didn’t know what to say because all my feelings towards him were gone. I agreed to his requests and it was the best choice I could have made. It feels like the door to that area of my past has been closed for good. Its quite refreshing in fact.

Now that my past has been settled, I am ready to move forward completely. I knew I was okay before and ready to live my life but knowing that I won’t have to deal with that experience ever again puts me at ease. Everything has been settled and it’s time for me to open a new chapter in my life.

Definition Douche Bag

There are some people in life your forced to be around, due to mutual friends, school or work. Most the time we are able to become friends with them due to the circumstances but sometimes the friendship is only one sided.

I have my core group of friends and the circle is slightly bigger than it normally would due to the fact that one of my best friends has a lot of other friends who I hang out with because I hang out with him. I really don’t mind, most of his friends are nice and have become my friends as well, but there a couple who clearly embrace their natural douche bagness.

Through hanging with my best friend I became close with one of his best friends, who then become a good friend of mine…so I thought. I don’t think he does it intentionally, I think it’s just part of his personality to be a dick, but he tends to say things that are completely disrespectful. For example, one evening he and I were chatting while our mutual friend was in the other room and I told him I had a date that weekend and was pretty excited. He responded by asking if I was going to sleep with him after the dinner, I didn’t think much of it but I just responded no because I wasn’t going to occur. I thought he was just giving me shit about my ex boyfriend but then he proceeds to say, “Oh so your being less of a whore now that your in college.” I don’t think anyones ever been so directly rude to me. I brushed it off because it wasn’t worth the fight, but it just made the fact that he is naturally a douche bag soak in.

Though my experience with Middle College I’ve begun to realize that college is an entirely different world. No one cares what you do and they don’t blow things out of proportion. I’ve also come to realize that you really don’t have to put up with people you don’t like and simply put, I’m not going too. People who just vibe like a douche just won’t be a part of my life anymore. I don’t care if there are mutual friends involved, they don’t have to be my friend simply because they’re one of my best friends friends. Middle College has somehow boosted my level of confidence and ability to stand up for myself. I don’t put up with peoples bullshit anymore and don’t let people push me around and it’s given me the best feeling ever. No one needs people in their lives who don’t want to be there and it’s become pretty easy to identify those who don’t want in.

The New Side

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There comes a day in everyones life when everything changes, for many graduating high school and heading to college is that time. In my case, I opted to jump into college halfway through my junior year.

I’m confident that I can do well in college but it’s a whole new world. A college desk is no different than a high school desk and you still feel like the “new kid” walking around, it’s a strange place to be at 17. Walking around campus yesterday I started to become nostalgic, missing high school, my friends and that feeling of belonging. What’s ironic is that I hated high school and wanted out so badly but suddenly when I got my chance and it all began, I started to wonder if I made the right choice.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so stressed in my life. Trying to crash 3 different English classes and not being able to get into any, struggling to figure out a schedule that will work and having to do all my homework and work on top of that…it’s a lot. I’ve always wanted to be an “adult” and be treated like one…it’s finally starting to happen and it’s not as fun as one would think. I’m trying to take a step back from it all and relax, allow myself to realize it’s all out of my control but it’s so hard to let go of the reigns when it feels like your future is on the line.