The biggest issue in relationships is the idea of loosing yourself. It’s a beautiful thing to be lost in love but it’s not always healthy. If you as an equal in a relationship can be lost in love but be grounded and know who you are 100 percent, that is bliss.
It’s hard. Getting caught up in your partners life and changing aspects of yourself for them is normal, it happens to everyone. The idea of knowing yourself is a powerful one. If you are confident enough and know yourself well enough it’s nearly impossible to loose yourself…not matter how in love you are.
I spent eight months of my life last year lost. I was with someone who I was madly in love with, but when I was with him I wasn’t myself. It was scary when we broke up because I left like I was floating in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I lost all my friends because I spent every waking moment I had with him so I had no one to turn too when we ended. It’s truly frightening. I gave up so much of myself to be “his perfect girl,” but truthfully I didn’t know I was doing it until after things ended. I looked back and had a moment of realization, noticing how much of myself I lost in our relationship and I vowed to never do so again.
In the six or seven months since the breakup, I have found myself. I’m no longer the passive girl who wouldn’t stand her ground like I was before. I have gained a new sense of confidence and the ability to truly be happy by myself. It’s serving me well. Almost every aspect of my life is going well, I haven’t had an anxiety attack in months and I feel stronger than ever.
The thing about finding yourself that is so beautiful is that you no longer turn to others. Not in the sense that you don’t have friends but more like you don’t look at them and try to reflect what you see upon yourself. Finding yourself gives you a feeling of true strength.
It also serves well when looking into new relationships. I’ve started dating officially now and by knowing myself, I am more equipped to choose a good partner. When something happens that I don’t like, I’m no longer scared to say no or stand up for myself and it’s amazing because I’ve truly finding good people through these abilities.
Don’t rush the process of finding yourself. It took me a really long time, it’s taken years and it just so happened that being single really helped. It takes time. It takes the conscious effort to focus on yourself and your needs, which is scary for some. Don’t loose hope if your trying and aren’t there yet. It’s possible for everyone, it just takes will power to carve your own path.
Sex education is probably one of the most beneficial things that can be taught. You learn or are supposed to learn about your body, how it works, how to have safe sex, fertility, the risks that come along with sex, the emotional aspects of sex, and how to handle all of the above. Sadly that’s not the case.
It’s funny, after my parents split my mom became extremely open about sexuality. It was my step dad who wasn’t too fond of the idea. Back in middle school, I remember my parents wouldn’t sign a waiver for me to go watch a video on “sex-ed.” It was middle school so in reality it was a video about washing your hands, but I wasn’t allowed to see it. I felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t allowed to watch so I took matters into my own hands and started googling things about sex. So much for sheltering me mom and dad. The internet gave me an explosion of information…a little too much for someone whose 13. That could have all been avoiding if sex ed wasn’t taught until high school.
I took my first real sex ed class my freshman year of high school, it was called health and it was required. Luckily I got a cool teacher, who actually taught about sex. It wasn’t anything too vulgar or inappropriate but for someone my age I did learn something. The problem is, not everyone gets to have the same teacher I did. Most sex education programs teach you to be abstinent and that sex is something to be ashamed of.
Sex IS NOT something to be ashamed of. It’s how you were made for Pete’s sake. The curtain needs to come down that is shielding our teens from being taught what sex is. The summer before my junior year of high school, I took Psychology of Human Sexuality at my local city college. Now that was a sex class and you know what, it didn’t turn me into some promiscuous, sex craving individual. It changed me for the better, it taught me everything and more that I needed to know about sex and now that I actually do have a sex life I’m smart about it, I know how to handle different situation and most importantly I know how to say no.
Sex should be put back into the so called sex education programs. We should teach our teens to be empowered and proud of their bodies. Sex isn’t something dirty or bad, it’s natural and teens need to be taught that. For the longest time I thought it was something I needed to be ashamed of, that I was dirty for masterbating…that’s not the case and the reason I thought that was because no one was teaching me and I took sites like yahoo seriously. Something needs to change so society can embrace sexuality.
The most important lesson I’ve learned in life so far, is to trust your gut. My mother told me for years to listen to your intuition because it’s always right. I fought her constantly, saying I knew what was best not some stupid gut feeling. Boy was I wrong.
The thing about gut feelings is they aren’t always the strongest. It’s usually your heart, mind or down south that put out the strongest feelings. They’re also the easiest to follow because those feelings are so passionate.
From personal experience I’ve learned that your heart is the hardest to ignore. When it’s telling you to do something it’s nearly impossible to do the opposite. It feels like your whole body is driving you to do something, no matter how stupid that something may be.
When it comes to the mind, that one is a bit more complicated. Your heart is usually the one telling you to do the crazy, passionate acts in life where as the mind is the logical one. It’s the one telling you to think things through. Look at all the different out comes and decide if the choice your about to make is really worth it. My mind has always been like this for me, my heart is telling me to just do it and not care but my mind thinks about the consequences. I usually end up following my heart which is probably really dumb in certain situations.
As for down south…we all know what lust feels like. It’s extremely powerful and can change how people act. It’s almost impossible to ignore because hormones rush through your whole body amplifying all your sense and making everything feel so much better. I said your heart is the most powerful but I would also argue that lust is. Sometimes lust can be a beautiful thing but it can also be extremely dangerous and when those hormones are blinding your judgement it can be a hard thing to say no too.
That is why I believe in the simplest form of all of this. Trust your gut. It takes a strong person to say no under different circumstances, especially as a teen with all the peer pressure your surrounded by daily.It’s scary, it really is. Trusting yourself is so important but it’s also so hard when people are constantly trying to get you to do and believe different things. I’ve been lucky enough to gain the ability to fully trust myself and my choices through leaving high school. Joining college early was the best thing I could have done for myself and it’s benefitted me in numerous ways. I now am able to say I truly trust myself and the decisions I make…no matter what part they come from.