Newest Version of Hot or Not

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That little flame is almost as spicy as the app itself. Hot or not? Nah, let’s just use Tinder.

The latest match making program has grabbed the attention of many. Unlike EHarmony and Match.com it’s not deep at all. Instead of surveys and quizes to find your perfect match, it’s based off a hot or not scale.

First step: make your profile. Pick 5 of your best photos, say a few words about yourself, set your proximity and age preferences. Then your off into the magical world of Tinder.

Scrolling through hundreds of faces, you basically decide whose attractive to you. X for no thank you honey…or a heart for damn you is fine;) Well, it’s not that stupid but it’s basically like yup or hot, or no your not.

It’s pretty superficial and has the reputation of being a hookup app, but who knows maybe true love via Tinder is possible.

I was skeptical at first, apparently I made an account a while ago and forgot because when I redownloaded the app a week or so ago, I had an account. I downloaded it as a joke but it actually is pretty fun. I still thing it’s weird, scrolling through random faces judging people based on a few pictures and a small caption. It’s a weird concept. I got matched with quite a few people and have talked to some of them, it’s actually not too bad.

There are a lot of douschebags on there though, be warned, you may not find the best quality on there but who am I to say that. I’ve talked to a couple nice guys but have only given my number out too one.

Tinder is neat because even though people say it’s a hookup app, it’s not just for horny college kids. My mom is on there, a few of her friends are too and tons of people I know are so it’s an app made for a wide range of people and ages. A dating app for the masses?

Overall, I’d give the app a thumbs up!

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BE YOU! 

The biggest issue in relationships is the idea of loosing yourself. It’s a beautiful thing to be lost in love but it’s not always healthy. If you as an equal in a relationship can be lost in love but be grounded and know who you are 100 percent, that is bliss.

It’s hard. Getting caught up in your partners life and changing aspects of yourself for them is normal, it happens to everyone. The idea of knowing yourself is a powerful one. If you are confident enough and know yourself well enough it’s nearly impossible to loose yourself…not matter how in love you are.

I spent eight months of my life last year lost. I was with someone who I was madly in love with, but when I was with him  I wasn’t myself. It was scary when we broke up because I left like I was floating in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I lost all my friends because I spent every waking moment I had with him so I had no one to turn too when we ended. It’s truly frightening. I gave up so much of myself to be “his perfect girl,” but truthfully I didn’t know I was doing it until after things ended. I looked back and had a moment of realization, noticing how much of myself I lost in our relationship and I vowed to never do so again.

In the six or seven months since the breakup, I have found myself. I’m no longer the passive girl who wouldn’t stand her ground like I was before. I have gained a new sense of confidence and the ability to truly be happy by myself. It’s serving me well. Almost every aspect of my life is going well, I haven’t had an anxiety attack in months and I feel stronger than ever.

The thing about finding yourself that is so beautiful is that you no longer turn to others. Not in the sense that you don’t have friends but more like you don’t look at them and try to reflect what you see upon yourself. Finding yourself gives you a feeling of true strength.

It also serves well when looking into new relationships. I’ve started dating officially now and by knowing myself, I am more equipped to choose a good partner. When something happens that I don’t like, I’m no longer scared to say no or stand up for myself and it’s amazing because I’ve truly finding good people through these abilities.

Don’t rush the process of finding yourself. It took me a really long time, it’s taken years and it just so happened that being single really helped. It takes time. It takes the conscious effort to focus on yourself and your needs, which is scary for some. Don’t loose hope if your trying and aren’t there yet. It’s possible for everyone, it just takes will power to carve your own path.

 

 

A Special Day

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What is it about a good day that can give you such a positive outlook on life? Maybe it’s the endorphin rush you’ve been getting for the last 12 hours but whatever it is, it’s fucking fantastic.

It isn’t always easy looking on the bright side of things, in actuality it’s really difficult and if you can under any circumstance I applaud you immensely. Today was a perfect day, relaxing afternoon on the beach picnicking with my date, watching movies together afterwards and then dinner. It couldn’t have gone better and it really is a positive thing. Not just because my date went well, but because little things like that help keep my new found happiness alive.

Since leaving high school, I have never been happier. Sometimes things still manage to get me down, like doing bad on a test or being held late at work, but all in all my life is pretty great right now. It’s hard to see my best friend still suffering in high school though, I wish there was a way for her to get out but her parents are so fucking stubborn.

I think the amounts of happiness taken from situations are dependent on the individual…except high school. That place is 4 years of living hell. Drama, petty bullshit and social lives based off of the stupidest things. There’s no way to avoid it because that is all high school is. Middle college is honestly the best alternative, it’s given me a new outlook on life and it’s created a pathway to success I could have never imagined prior.

Put the Sex Back into Sex Ed

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Sex education is probably one of the most beneficial things that can be taught. You learn or are supposed to learn about your body, how it works, how to have safe sex, fertility, the risks that come along with sex, the emotional aspects of sex, and how to handle all of the above. Sadly that’s not the case.

It’s funny, after my parents split my mom became extremely open about sexuality. It was my step dad who wasn’t too fond of the idea. Back in middle school, I remember my parents wouldn’t sign a waiver for me to go watch a video on “sex-ed.” It was middle school so in reality it was a video about washing your hands, but I wasn’t allowed to see it. I felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t allowed to watch so I took matters into my own hands and started googling things about sex. So much for sheltering me mom and dad. The internet gave me an explosion of information…a little too much for someone whose 13. That could have all been avoiding if sex ed wasn’t taught until high school.

I took my first real sex ed class my freshman year of high school, it was called health and it was required. Luckily I got a cool teacher, who actually taught about sex. It wasn’t anything too vulgar or inappropriate but for someone my age I did learn something. The problem is, not everyone gets to have the same teacher I did. Most sex education programs teach you to be abstinent and that sex is something to be ashamed of.

Sex IS NOT something to be ashamed of. It’s how you were made for Pete’s sake. The curtain needs to come down that is shielding our teens from being taught what sex is. The summer before my junior year of high school, I took Psychology of  Human Sexuality at my local city college. Now that was a sex class and you know what, it didn’t turn me into some promiscuous, sex craving individual. It changed me for the better, it taught me everything and more that I needed to know about sex and now that I actually do have a sex life I’m smart about it, I know how to handle different situation and most importantly I know how to say no.

Sex should be put back into the so called sex education programs. We should teach our teens to be empowered and proud of their bodies. Sex isn’t something dirty or bad, it’s natural and teens need to be taught that. For the longest time I thought it was something I needed to be ashamed of, that I was dirty for masterbating…that’s not the case and the reason I thought that was because no one was teaching me and I took sites like yahoo seriously. Something needs to change so society can embrace sexuality.

Birthday Suit

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We come into this world butt naked. Carefree and with no shame we let doctors and family members move us from place to place throughout the birthing room but the moment the your about to be move into a “public” place, your clothed. Babies don’t know the difference between being clothed and naked. Adults don’t seem to care about babies being nude but seeing a teenager or old man nude isn’t okay to some. It just doesn’t make sense, we all are born naked, why does it become a taboo as we age?

It seems as if throughout our lives we are slowly brainwashed into thinking being naked is something shameful or embarrassing. I have witnessed parents scolding their toddlers for running out of their rooms with nothing on. Why? It’s just a body, we all have them. The only difference between a toddler body and an adult body is the amount of hormones. Yes, human beings hit puberty. We grow hair in places we didn’t before, the hair is darker and thicker, people get acne, skin darkens, body shapes change, people get boobs, your balls drop…it’s all a natural part of life that EVERYONE goes through.

This day an age, I feel, has falsely filled peoples minds with the idea that nudity it unacceptable and something to be ashamed of. I believe this because the media doesn’t show all types of bodies and industries, the porn industry in particular, don’t show the wide variety of anatomical aesthetics. I took a class on the psychology of human sexuality and this was one of the topics we covered. I know that men also have these feelings but I am focusing on women specifically.

As a teenage girl, I feel we get the brunt of these issues. We grow up looking at pictures of skinny girls with perfect facial features and beautiful curvature. That becomes the social norm and we grow up believing that is how our bodies are supposed to look. Then as you age a little more and start exploring your sexuality, most people experiment with porn. It’s a shame girls won’t admit to watching it because almost everyone has, but girls have been shamed into thinking that watching porn is dirty and inappropriate for them to do. The thing about being a girl and watching porn, is that it is dangerous. It can cause a lot of issues regarding your body image and self esteem. Porn companies show one vagina. Think about it, almost everyone porn video you’ve watched in your lifetime probably has a girl with the classic porn vagina, no labia, small, hairless and tight. That isn’t how real life is. It personally look me a long time to be comfortable naked because of magazines showing the “perfect” female body and the way porn industries portrayed female anatomy.

I am still young and I’m grateful I learned this lesson this quick, but I’m sure there are other girls out there wondering the same things I did. Is my body normal? Is something wrong with me? What’s wrong with my vagina? I’m actually 100 percent sure there are others out there thinking this because I’ve googled these questions enough times to know others are seeking the answer too. If there is one thing I could tell all girls out there, who look in the mirror questioning their normality, it’s that there is no such thing as normal. Every body is different, we all have unique chemical makeups that made us who we are today. Normal doesn’t exist, so don’t question whether or not your body is okay because it is. There is nothing wrong with anyones body, they are all just different and different is okay.

It’s Always Right

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The most important lesson I’ve learned in life so far, is to trust your gut. My mother told me for years to listen to your intuition because it’s always right. I fought her constantly, saying I knew what was best not some stupid gut feeling. Boy was I wrong.

The thing about gut feelings is they aren’t always the strongest. It’s usually your heart, mind or down south that put out the strongest feelings. They’re also the easiest to follow because those feelings are so passionate.

From personal experience I’ve learned that your heart is the hardest to ignore. When it’s telling you to do something it’s nearly impossible to do the opposite. It feels like your whole body is driving you to do something, no matter how stupid that something may be.

When it comes to the mind, that one is a bit more complicated. Your heart is usually the one telling you to do the crazy, passionate acts in life where as the mind is the logical one. It’s the one telling you to think things through. Look at all the different out comes and decide if the choice your about to make is really worth it. My mind has always been like this for me, my heart is telling me to just do it and not care but my mind thinks about the consequences. I usually end up following my heart which is probably really dumb in certain situations.

As for down south…we all know what lust feels like. It’s extremely powerful and can change how people act. It’s almost impossible to ignore because hormones rush through your whole body amplifying all your sense and making everything feel so much better. I said your heart is the most powerful but I would also argue that lust is. Sometimes lust can be a beautiful thing but it can also be extremely dangerous and when those hormones are blinding your judgement it can be a hard thing to say no too.

That is why I believe in the simplest form of all of this. Trust your gut. It takes a strong person to say no under different circumstances, especially as a teen with all the peer pressure your surrounded by daily.It’s scary, it really is. Trusting yourself is so important but it’s also so hard when people are constantly trying to get you to do and believe different things. I’ve been lucky enough to gain the ability to fully trust myself and my choices through leaving high school. Joining college early was the best thing I could have done for myself and it’s benefitted me in numerous ways. I now am able to say I truly trust myself and the decisions I make…no matter what part they come from.