Family Dynamic

how-i-became-a-life-family-dynamics-coach-21724059

Families are so fucking crazy. The bonds you have with your family members are some of the strongest but they’re also some of the most complicated. As a kid all the emotions that correlate with the family dynamic are amplified.

There are a ton of different types of families. Some are more conservative, some are pretty out there, some strict, some laid back, some crazy and some just plain weird…the thing is we can’t see what we really have, especially as kids and teens. When your a teenager, especially in high school, you look at everyone else and wish you had their life and their family. They seem “perfect.” That isn’t real. It look a long time to learn this, but EVERY family has their issues, some are just better at hiding them.

Here’s a shortened version of my family life. My mom got pregnant with me at 25, my biological father’s mother wanted me aborted and my biological dad wasn’t close to being ready to be a parent. My mom kept me, clearly ha. She met my step dad when I was three and when I was five I got a little brother. My family was pretty nice, not too strict but we definitely had rules…most of them coming from my dad because my mom’s very laid back. My step dad had apparently been cheating for years and finally my parents split up after being together for 14 years. Now they’re divorced and don’t talk. My brother goes back and forth between households each week and I live with my mom full time with basically zero contact with my step dad. There’s the gist.

The thing about my family is the current relationship between my mother and step dad really cause the most problems. My step dad basically broke every agreement they made regarding introducing my brother and I too new partners and rules for the kids. So there is so trust there. It causes my brother to be put in the middle because he is young and can’t/won’t stand up to my step father because he still loves him. I choose to have no contact with my step dad simply because I think he is an ass for what he did to my mother and the way he just let me go, abandoning me.

From the outside, you would have no idea. You’d just see a single mother working to support her kids, but there is so much under the surface that people on the outside can’t see. A little bit of knowledge that everyone should have is that everything is pretty on the surface…dig a little deeper and you’ll be surprised what you might find. Also, don’t talk/judge if you don’t know. So many people have their own struggles they’re dealing with and you antagonizing them about it if you don’t know the truth does nothing but hurt them.

Duly Noted

passive-aggressive2-420x250

We all deal with those passive aggressive folks who are a part of our daily life. I think it’s one of the things that makes human beings so strong; I mean dealing with those kinds of idiots all day makes for a thick skin. Being passive aggressive is probably one of the most irritating qualities a person can have. Seriously, if your going to be aggressive just be straight forward so the rest of us don’t have to deal with the underlying bullshit that is an automatic response to passive aggressive remarks.

I would say I’m lucky in a sense because I don’t have to deal with too many passive aggressive people. My dad is definitely like this but since I made the choice not to have him in my life that’s not an issue. On the other hand, my best friend is totally like this. I don’t know what she has to be mad at me about since I’ve never done anything to her but she always manages to throw out snide remarks about my past (family life, past boys, mistakes I’ve made etc.). It’s really fucking annoying because I don’t see why someone who wears the title of Best Friend would do that and it’s clear she doesn’t recognize it because I’ve confronted her about it and she “has no idea what I’m talking about.”

The issue is shedding light on the important issue of friendships and what makes them last. Ours has had a very rocky past but we got through it and are now very close I think, but now that she’s all wrapped up with her boyfriend, I just feel I’m in the need of another friend. One who can actually do things with me that doesn’t constantly need her boyfriend there by her side. Don’t get me wrong, I totally support couples and sticking with your partner, but using them as a crutch is different.