The dreaded “my boyfriend or girlfriend is coming.” It’s one of those sayings that once you hear it, there is no coming back. I don’t know about you, but the trouble with 3rd wheeling is that you can be completely happy for the couple but you also want to cut their lips off. Ya ya ya, I get it, you guys kiss. Good for you but save the spit swapping for the bedroom because I don’t want to watch it.
I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. My two best friends are dating (weird I know). So automatically I’m always hanging out with them but the difference is now, that they are official which means “acting coupley.” The thing is, they don’t think they’re coupley in the slightest and if you tell them they are, it’s an automatic passive aggressive response or denial. There’s nothing wrong with being coupley, but do it when you don’t have one other friend their because it makes that friend (me or whoever else) feel awkward as fuck.
I wouldn’t mind it so much if it wasn’t part of this creepy cycle. Let’s give my friends some fake names to protect their identities, the girl is going to be Kat and the boy will be Zach. Here’s an average day with these two. First we’re all hanging out like normal, then Kat makes a point to say that she’s Zach’s girlfriend and how she doesn’t like the sound of it. Then she starts acting like a bitch towards Zach, then Zach gets pissy and either pouts or tries to leave. This causes Kat to get clingy, which secretly all their other friends think is part of Zach’s plan because he wants her to be all over him. Zach ignores her clinginess for a bit, then gives in acting all lovey back. Finally, they kiss and makeup…either making things weird for those around them or they leave to go do “other things.” If they don’t kiss and makeup, it ends in Kat being really mad and then leaving.
It’s a repetitive, dysfunctional cycle that personally I don’t understand. It’s not something any of our friends are willing to come forward and tell them because they’re the type of people to dismiss you if you dare criticize them on a very personal level, plus they aren’t big on talking about issues either. It’s a tough situation to be in because it’s a constant struggle to maintain these friendships. There are boundaries and lines you can’t cross, yet sometimes it seems impossible not to cross them. In other words, the struggle is real.
We’ve all got our best friend, lucky for me I have two…who are dating. It’s a strange dynamic. They’re each considered my best friend but now that they’re together it’s kind of weird. I don’t want to think that things have changed in any way but they have. I can’t put it into words because it’s something unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
For the most part I know everything about each of them, yet I also know every detail about the two as a couple. What used to be three best friends hanging out has now become a time where I feel strange and like I either need a date or another friend to tag along so it isn’t third wheeling. It shouldn’t feel that way because I’m insanely happy for the both of them because I know this should have happened a while ago, but now that the time has come it’s not in the slightest how I expected.
They say when your in a relationship you see all the happy single people and when your single you see all the happy couples about. I’d say that statement is pretty accurate. I semi-recently got out of a long term relationship that ended with an assault and my ex heading to prison, so being single has been pretty fantastic. I’ve taken full advantage of it and have been working to better myself, earn money and go on a few dates here and there. I’ve been enjoying being single, more than I ever have before in fact, but when I see my two best friends so happily in love it makes me miss having that feeling.
It’s strange because getting close to someone and letting them in has been extremely difficult lately. Under normal circumstances, I fall fast, easily open up and fall in love quickly, but under the recent circumstances it hasn’t been easy. I don’t trust people because I trusted my ex with all my heart and I realized he wasn’t the person I thought he was after we broke up and it makes me question everyone and everything. It’s almost as if the experience with his assault and arrest has made me loose faith in men, which isn’t something I want. I want to feel secure alone and then be able to let someone in. At this moment, I feel something I haven’t felt in a while and that is the feeling of being okay on my own.
The thing with having my two best friends dating that sucks is the fact that I can’t seem to get alone time with either of them. It’s like my girl bff and I set up a movie date and then I get the text, “Oh, I invited my boyfriend cause we were on the phone and he wanted something to do.” It’s hard to get mad because I know I would probably do the same but it just frustrates me because I’ve been in the middle of their relationship the entire time they’ve been “talking” which has been about a year and half. It just gets really annoying when I can’t seem to do something with just one of them, it’s always doing something together. They aren’t big on PDA as a couple but even so, I can’t help but feel like I’m third wheeling all the time when were all hanging out.
I can’t hep but feel scared. I don’t want to loose either of them as my friends, that would kill me. It just feels like something is going to go wrong. Either they will grow stronger together and I’ll slowly fade out of the picture or they’ll break up and I’ll be forced to take sides, no matter what I loose. If anyone out there is reading this and has faced a similar situation please feel free to give me some advice on how to handle this all, I’d really appreciate it.