Sexuality

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Sexuality is something that overall as a person, I’m extremely comfortable talking about. Nothing anyone could say would make me uncomfortable or feel different about them, I don’t care who your attracted too. I don’t think sexuality can be clearly defined. It’s a blurry line that can change over and over, nothing is set in stone.

For myself, I have identified as straight for my entire life…until now. I’m coming out as bisexual. I know that is a risky move to do on the internet, I mean the only people I’ve flat out told about it are my friends. None of them have any issues with it, in fact, they all thought that was the case already. Mostly due to the fact that when I drink, I tend to hit on my best friend and we make out a lot so it’s been made clear that being intimate with the same sex doesn’t bother me.

Bisexuality in particular is something, that I don’t really see the need to “come out” for. I mean everyone looks at the same sex and admires them in one way or another, so why define something like that? Maybe for some, the feelings are a little bit stronger, it’s more of a lustful feeling vs an admiration.

The question of whether or not I am actually bisexual or not as been something I’ve been asking myself for a while. I don’t really understand the concept of defining ones sexuality, I’ve just always thought whoever you feel attracted too, then go for it. I’m wondering if the reason I couldn’t say yes or no to being bisexual before was because I was scared or something, which doesn’t make sense because my friends are super open and so is my family. I think it was just coming I had to become comfortable with in my mind because it’s never been an issue with anyone else, so it was kind of strange having it be about myself; if that makes any sense.

It’s a cool feeling. I came out to all my friends today officially and I just feel invigorated. I feel stronger as a person being able to fully accept everything about myself and really be true to myself. It’s a really cool feeling.

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“Okay”

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A lot of people have very different ideas of what’s “okay.” These ideas greatly depend on how you grow up but I’d say one of the biggest areas where’s issues on what is okay and whats not are in regards to sexuality. I don’t get why, we’re all sexual beings, each of us was created from sex so what’s the big deal?

For instance, I have this one friend whose parents are extremely stringent. It’s as if they forgot they had to have sex to make her. She and I went on this trip to Mexico with our school to build houses. Of course we thought, hey maybe it’d be fun to have sex in a foreign country, so we bought some condoms are a gas station just in case the opportunity arose. We didn’t end up using them with anyone so she took them home. She emptied the actual condoms into a secret box and hid the condom box inside some trash and put it at the bottom of her trash can. Then when her mom took the trash out, she dug through it, found the box and confronted my friend. Honestly when she told me that, I was just in awe. I didn’t know people’s were that damn nosey.

It’s weird for me personally to be in homes or places where sexuality isn’t openly accepted. I grew up in a household were it was always an available topic of discussion. So when I’m at my friends houses where I can’t openly say “fuck” or talk about sex it’s almost shocking because I’m so accustomed to being really open. It makes me wonder how I will be as a parent and if I’ll be as open with my kids as my mom was with me. I can only hope so because during the time when my parents weren’t as open, I went a tad downhill and I wouldn’t wish that upon my kids when I have them.