The biggest issue in relationships is the idea of loosing yourself. It’s a beautiful thing to be lost in love but it’s not always healthy. If you as an equal in a relationship can be lost in love but be grounded and know who you are 100 percent, that is bliss.
It’s hard. Getting caught up in your partners life and changing aspects of yourself for them is normal, it happens to everyone. The idea of knowing yourself is a powerful one. If you are confident enough and know yourself well enough it’s nearly impossible to loose yourself…not matter how in love you are.
I spent eight months of my life last year lost. I was with someone who I was madly in love with, but when I was with him I wasn’t myself. It was scary when we broke up because I left like I was floating in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I lost all my friends because I spent every waking moment I had with him so I had no one to turn too when we ended. It’s truly frightening. I gave up so much of myself to be “his perfect girl,” but truthfully I didn’t know I was doing it until after things ended. I looked back and had a moment of realization, noticing how much of myself I lost in our relationship and I vowed to never do so again.
In the six or seven months since the breakup, I have found myself. I’m no longer the passive girl who wouldn’t stand her ground like I was before. I have gained a new sense of confidence and the ability to truly be happy by myself. It’s serving me well. Almost every aspect of my life is going well, I haven’t had an anxiety attack in months and I feel stronger than ever.
The thing about finding yourself that is so beautiful is that you no longer turn to others. Not in the sense that you don’t have friends but more like you don’t look at them and try to reflect what you see upon yourself. Finding yourself gives you a feeling of true strength.
It also serves well when looking into new relationships. I’ve started dating officially now and by knowing myself, I am more equipped to choose a good partner. When something happens that I don’t like, I’m no longer scared to say no or stand up for myself and it’s amazing because I’ve truly finding good people through these abilities.
Don’t rush the process of finding yourself. It took me a really long time, it’s taken years and it just so happened that being single really helped. It takes time. It takes the conscious effort to focus on yourself and your needs, which is scary for some. Don’t loose hope if your trying and aren’t there yet. It’s possible for everyone, it just takes will power to carve your own path.
Juggling Joost 