A Special Day

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What is it about a good day that can give you such a positive outlook on life? Maybe it’s the endorphin rush you’ve been getting for the last 12 hours but whatever it is, it’s fucking fantastic.

It isn’t always easy looking on the bright side of things, in actuality it’s really difficult and if you can under any circumstance I applaud you immensely. Today was a perfect day, relaxing afternoon on the beach picnicking with my date, watching movies together afterwards and then dinner. It couldn’t have gone better and it really is a positive thing. Not just because my date went well, but because little things like that help keep my new found happiness alive.

Since leaving high school, I have never been happier. Sometimes things still manage to get me down, like doing bad on a test or being held late at work, but all in all my life is pretty great right now. It’s hard to see my best friend still suffering in high school though, I wish there was a way for her to get out but her parents are so fucking stubborn.

I think the amounts of happiness taken from situations are dependent on the individual…except high school. That place is 4 years of living hell. Drama, petty bullshit and social lives based off of the stupidest things. There’s no way to avoid it because that is all high school is. Middle college is honestly the best alternative, it’s given me a new outlook on life and it’s created a pathway to success I could have never imagined prior.

Don’t Talk If You Don’t Know

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The thing about families, that every ignores, is that they’re all complicated. Every family has issues, it doesn’t matter how “perfect” they come off on the outside. As a kid, I would look at other families and wish they were mine because I felt like mine was so messed up. I was right…my family is really messed up but you know what, I fucking love it.

When I was inside my mom, my biological dad wanted me aborted and when I was born he only visited me when he could bring friends along to show me off like I was some kind of toy. When my mom told him that couldn’t happen anymore he stopped showing up. I haven’t had my biological dad in my life for the 17 years I’ve been on this planet; I’ve only met him once and that was in 8th grade.

Since I was three, I’ve had my step-dad in my life. I’ve never once considered him to be my step-dad, he’s always been my dad until he really dropped the ball. About two years ago, he cheated on my mom and they broke up officially. It’s been a messy divorce. I don’t move back and forth between houses like my little brother does, I know it hurts him and is a constant struggle for him which kills me.

The reason I started specifying that he is my step-dad is because he proved he doesn’t care about me or my family. He got engaged without telling me to a woman he’d known for two months. Then forgot to invite me to the wedding and took on his girlfriends daughter like his own, kicking me to the curb. I lost all respect for him as a man at that point and choose not to have him in my life anymore.

The thing that bugs me is the fact that people pretend like they know you. They think they know your story based on the outside appearance of a situation, when in reality they known nothing because the actual severity is too deep for them to comprehend as the shallow human beings they are. I wonder why certain people find it necessary to talk about other people’s lives like they know the truth, but then I realize it’s because they’re too disappointed with their own lives. Those who do that are people I feel pity for, I can’t imagine hating your life so much that you see it necessary to talk about others.

I won’t lie or pretend the situation with my father didn’t hurt me. It did, it killed me and ate away at my self confidence, mental health and happiness for years but I have become a better person for it. I’ve grown up. I no longer allow issues with other people to damage myself. It’s something I am now able to move out of my mind and live with, without allowing it to hurt me. As someone who played the victim for almost their entire life, it feels amazing to stand tall and proud.

It’s important to be supported, but not by weak links. When it comes to situations or people who bring you down, quit fast and move forward. When you can consciously make the choice to remove yourself from a situation that is hurting you or remove someone whose doing the same that is how you know you have grown up.