A Special Day

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What is it about a good day that can give you such a positive outlook on life? Maybe it’s the endorphin rush you’ve been getting for the last 12 hours but whatever it is, it’s fucking fantastic.

It isn’t always easy looking on the bright side of things, in actuality it’s really difficult and if you can under any circumstance I applaud you immensely. Today was a perfect day, relaxing afternoon on the beach picnicking with my date, watching movies together afterwards and then dinner. It couldn’t have gone better and it really is a positive thing. Not just because my date went well, but because little things like that help keep my new found happiness alive.

Since leaving high school, I have never been happier. Sometimes things still manage to get me down, like doing bad on a test or being held late at work, but all in all my life is pretty great right now. It’s hard to see my best friend still suffering in high school though, I wish there was a way for her to get out but her parents are so fucking stubborn.

I think the amounts of happiness taken from situations are dependent on the individual…except high school. That place is 4 years of living hell. Drama, petty bullshit and social lives based off of the stupidest things. There’s no way to avoid it because that is all high school is. Middle college is honestly the best alternative, it’s given me a new outlook on life and it’s created a pathway to success I could have never imagined prior.

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2+1=Third Wheeling

We’ve all got our best friend, lucky for me I have two…who are dating. It’s a strange dynamic. They’re each considered my best friend but now that they’re together it’s kind of weird. I don’t want to think that things have changed in any way but they have. I can’t put it into words because it’s something unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

For the most part I know everything about each of them, yet I also know every detail about the two as a couple. What used to be three best friends hanging out has now become a time where I feel strange and like I either need a date or another friend to tag along so it isn’t third wheeling. It shouldn’t feel that way because I’m insanely happy for the both of them because I know this should have happened a while ago, but now that the time has come it’s not in the slightest how I expected.

They say when your in a relationship you see all the happy single people and when your single you see all the happy couples about. I’d say that statement is pretty accurate. I semi-recently got out of a long term relationship that ended with an assault and my ex heading to prison, so being single has been pretty fantastic. I’ve taken full advantage of it and have been working to better myself, earn money and go on a few dates here and there. I’ve been enjoying being single, more than I ever have before in fact, but when I see my two best friends so happily in love it makes me miss having that feeling.

It’s strange because getting close to someone and letting them in has been extremely difficult lately. Under normal circumstances, I fall fast, easily open up and fall in love quickly, but under the recent circumstances it hasn’t been easy. I don’t trust people because I trusted my ex with all my heart and I realized he wasn’t the person I thought he was after we broke up and it makes me question everyone and everything. It’s almost as if the experience with his assault and arrest has made me loose faith in men, which isn’t something I want. I want to feel secure alone and then be able to let someone in. At this moment, I feel something I haven’t felt in a while and that is the feeling of being okay on my own.

The thing with having my two best friends dating that sucks is the fact that I can’t seem to get alone time with either of them. It’s like my girl bff and I set up a movie date and then I get the text, “Oh, I invited my boyfriend cause we were on the phone and he wanted something to do.” It’s hard to get mad because I know I would probably do the same but it just frustrates me because I’ve been in the middle of their relationship the entire time they’ve been “talking” which has been about a year and half. It just gets really annoying when I can’t seem to do something with just one of them, it’s always doing something together. They aren’t big on PDA as a couple but even so, I can’t help but feel like I’m third wheeling all the time when were all hanging out.

I can’t hep but feel scared. I don’t want to loose either of them as my friends, that would kill me. It just feels like something is going to go wrong. Either they will grow stronger together and I’ll slowly fade out of the picture or they’ll break up and I’ll be forced to take sides, no matter what I loose. If anyone out there is reading this and has faced a similar situation please feel free to give me some advice on how to handle this all, I’d really appreciate it.